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IT'S A GIRL!
Alice Luna Jeanine LeCroy
traveled from the infinite to life, the finite.
She was born at home on
July 8th 2001 at 6:35am,
weighing 8lbs. 13oz.
Alice Luna Jeanine LeCroy's Birth Story
(do not read if you are squeamish, these are gory details of birth)
I have been busy this summer of 2001 getting to know the new Alice Luna Jeanine LeCroy, and getting to know myself as a mother and my husband, Dorian, as a father. The first month of our life together as a family was a magical one and the magic continues. Motherhood has proven to both terrify me and spin me into ecstasy. Why does love cause so much pleasure & pain? There are a million reasons I could name but really there are no reasons and none of them lessen the pain part or magnify the pleasure part; so we are stuck with love as the roller-coaster it is, with soaring heights and plummeting depths. I am amazed in this maze and the experience of pregnancy and childbirth have taught me so much about myself and love and expanded the boundaries of both of those definitions. Time has simultaneously sped up and slowed down. I am humbled and it is a beautiful thing. This life provides us with so much opportunity and my eyes have been opened as if I were a newborn and everything seems wild and new.
According to my imagination, my baby was due June 26th. According to the sonogram at six weeks (the only sonogram I did), my baby was due July 3rd. According to the date of my last period, my baby was due July 7th. Alice Luna Jeanine LeCroy was born on Sunday, July 8th. The whole week before her actual birth I had contractions for a few hours every night, and each night they were a bit stronger and I would wonder, "is tonight the night?" On June 30th I was sure Alice was going to come, because I had an extraordinary emotional day, I felt a shift inside of me, mentally and emotionally and my contractions were strong that night, but by morning I was back to normal. Then I was sure the baby would come on the 4th of July, just because it’s my cousin Adrian’s birthday and it was a full moon and I was really ready, so we stayed home that night (and missed all the parties and fireworks) in anticipation but nothing happened except for the usual sporadic contractions. I started getting restless and thought the baby would never come. I was so pregnant and it was getting uncomfortable. I was 60 pounds over my normal weight and could only have sex in one position and could only sleep on my left side and could only walk so fast and could only eat so much and I was so over it! I honestly enjoyed my whole pregnancy and really loved how it warped my body, just the last couple weeks I was FINISHED. Pregnancy was certainly the most intense form of body art I had ever done, forget piercings and tattoos and scarification, growing another human INSIDE your own body is intense, not to mention getting that complete person OUT. My favorite part of my body changing was definitely that my heart grew 30% larger to pump all the extra blood that supported the babe. It was poetically perfect that the metaphoric organ for love actually grew while I was preparing to love a new baby that would come to my life to be loved forever.
On Saturday night, July 7th, I was very pregnant, as the clock rolled over midnight my usual contractions started. They were more regular than normal so I called the midwife, Linda, to let her know that "tonight might be the night"- but I wasn’t too sure because I had thought “tonight is the night” all week long. I was working on a book I’m making for the baby about my pregnancy, I was cutting the pages for it which were 10 cm- the size my cervix would have to dilate in order to give birth. I didn’t want to get my hopes up for having the baby so I just kept working away thinking about opening up 10cm but the contractions were making it very difficult to keep working. Soon I had to just give up that project and I told Dorian we should get the house ready - just in case. Dorian decided to write a program on his laptop to time and graph the contractions. He did it in 40 minutes, and the computer was right there during the whole birth, that’s what happens if you have a techie husband. I was just glad that when the baby was born it wasn’t a robot; though, I would have loved that little robot if the baby had been one.
We planned a home birth, so there was lots to do to get the house set up for the actual birth. We both started running around, rolling up the rugs, putting plastic sheets on the bed, blowing up and filling the baby pool we got for labor. I knocked over the plants and there was a big mess of dirt I had to clean up. Dorian accidentally ripped the curtains off the rod and the rod out of the wall so he had to drill them back in. It was like the three stooges! My labor was definitely in full swing- contractions 5 minutes apart by 12:30; so really Dorian was getting the house ready and I was just dealing with labor. I started by going to the bathroom every five minutes, I was in denial (afraid to get my hopes up again that the baby was coming tonight) and I thought I had cramps or just really was constipated or something. When I realized I didn’t actually have to go the bathroom I settled in the living room where I had one of those big exercise balls to relax on. I leaned over it, on my hands and knees, with it giving support under me. I just concentrated on the contractions, yelling out "starting" and "stop" as the contaction came and went while Dorian ran around the house punching stuff into the computer and setting stuff up. I actually fell asleep between contractions and I just let my body take me on this exciting trip.
After an hour on the ball I had to start walking around, as the contractions were getting really intense and walking made them feel better, more efficient. I use the word intense because I expected them to be painful but they weren’t painful in the way you usually think of pain; the contractions were a dull ache that didn’t feel pleasant but they really weren’t excruciating. Some were more difficult to handle than others but I braced myself, preparing to perhaps deal with this reality for more than 24 hours. I knew first births usually took many hours and sometimes lasted 3 days. I also never was aware that I lost my mucous plug, and my water hadn’t broken and I thought those 2 things had to happen before labor was considered to be progressing, so I was still thinking “is this really labor?”. I was just walking around the house in order to deal with the feelings of contractions- sometimes they’d be strong enough to bring me to the floor on my hands and knees or force me to lean on something or sit for support. I then got into the shower and that helped a lot. After laboring in the shower for awhile I paced the bedroom and Dorian decided we should tell the midwife to come over. I actually told him I didn’t think “this was it”. He noticed that there was blood dripping down inside my thighs, I didn't see that and he didn't bring my attention to it so that I wouldn't get nervous- he said, “Well, I’ll call her just in case it is. You know, we want her to be here.” Good thing I have Dorian! So, that was about 4:00 in the morning. My labor continued. I tried eating to keep my strength up- I had some pineapple ice pop and some tofu here and there. I was drinking water everytime I could make myself do it. Staying hydrated was really important and so was eating to give myself energy. In hospitals they don't allow either. The contractions got really intense and I wanted to get in the pool but it was still filling up and I also wanted to wait for the midwife to get there before going in the water. I also wanted to save the pool for when pain was at its peak since the pool was my main pain management device.
Linda, the midwife, arrived at around 5:30 am. I was on the bed on all fours and was pushing- but I didn’t know I was pushing. Linda has 6 kids herself and one 10month old baby. The baby was there and so was her son Evan, to baby-sit. I knew them all well. When Linda arrived she said I was doing well. I was spaced out but focused at the same time and could hardly speak. I was really in the moment. Giving birth had me living in the present more than I had ever done in my life. I have to say, a natural childbirth is not really drug free because your body makes some pretty strong drugs on its own. I was truly in another state and the whole world was like an impressionist painting and I heard things really weirdly. It was a bit similar to tripping on hallucinogenics. Mostly my eyes were closed. I told Linda I really wanted to get into the pool so I went into the kitchen (that’s where we set up the pool) and got in the pool, it still wasn’t full high enough. I told Dorian he had to get in so we could benefit from Archimedes' principle. He took a quick shower and got in the pool, the water rose and I was happy. The pool felt amazing. Instantly I became totally relaxed and the contractions were much easier to deal with. I love water. I just floated around in different positions trying to find the most comfortable one. The contractions were truly their strongest and I started making groaning noises and everything- really loud (the doorman heard the whole thing) I even yelled out, “Wow, this really does hurt!!!!!” Then my water broke and Dorian got to see it happen- he said it was cool, a rush of swirls because of the temperature difference. I was really pushing now and I felt the baby’s head moving out. I was making a lot of noise and Linda’s baby started crying. I said,“Oh no, I’m scaring the baby- she’s crying.” Linda said. “Oh no- you’re not scaring her, she’s calling the baby out.” I heard the baby’s cry differently after that and it was so beautiful and I knew my baby was very close to being in my arms. Linda told me to reach down so I could feel the baby’s head emerging. I did. I felt the head but I also felt my perineum totally stretched and bulging and I quickly pulled my hand away and decided not to do that again. The baby was very close and I called out, “Help me baby, help me. Wiggle out. Come closer, come closer.” I thought of my own mother giving birth to me, and all the mothers who I admire and love, I thought of their beautiful children and all the new love that would enter my life. I thought about flowers opening. They were all inspirations at those overwhelming moments.
The backs of my thighs started to cramp and that hurt! It was very scary. Linda told me I’d have to get out of the water because the cord was wrapped around the baby and she needed me to be anchored so that she could get it off. She told me to get out of the pool but I thought I couldn’t do it because my legs were cramping and it killed, that was the worst pain. Then the midwife yelled at me to get out now, that I had to. It took all my effort to stand, I was really afraid to leave the water. I stood up, holding onto Dorian, my arms around his neck, and I felt a big contraction and the baby slid right out. It was 6:34am. She was born in the air while I was standing, holding onto Dorian. Behind me, I saw the midwife unraveling the baby from the cord and then the baby started to cry. She was perfectly clean, though blood was everywhere else, and her color was beautiful milky white. Her head was perfectly round, not like any of the newborns I saw in the films I watched and she had squiggles of dark hair on her head. Linda passed her to me (but we didn't know it was a HER yet) between my legs and the cord was still connecting us. I carried the baby to my bed and on the way I remember Linda putting a bunch of tinctures in my mouth. I was too blissed out to notice anything but the baby. Looking back I can sense a bit of worry from the midwife, I was bleeding a lot.
The baby was beautiful and just looked at me and Dorian. We all just stared at each other and it was miraculous. Dorian cut the cord and we all just continued gazing at each other in complete joy and wonder. We inspected the baby’s body and realized she was a girl. I was filled with so much love and awe. Dorian called my mom and brothers on the phone and they started on their way to come over. 20 minutes later I finally finished the birth by birthing the placenta. The placenta was so much more huge than I imagined, it was practically as big as the baby and all red with fat blue veins running through it. It had no shape but was like a shapeless mushy blob like the sneeds in Dr.Seuss. I got up to go to the bathroom, it was scary to go relax my body to pee after all that action. On the way back to the bed I almost fainted, I went deaf and started falling out of consciousness, Linda yelled at me to think about the baby and not close my eyes. I recovered. Linda yelled at me to stop bleeding and it worked because I did stop. I think a good midwife yells at you. I thought Linda was the greatest and she yelled at me a lot. It was important- I needed that.
As the baby was in my arms she nursed a little. Linda offered me a bite of the placenta because it’s filled with important hormones that help you recover from the birth and avoid postpartum depression. And I really did eat a bite raw. It didn’t taste bad or strong, it tasted a bit salty. I was also very high from just giving birth and the whole thing was so amazing. I needed two little stitches for a tiny tear and Linda gave them to me and it didn't hurt at all. After pushing a baby out, that part is pretty numb. Linda weighed the baby, she was 8 pounds and 13 ounces. Dorian's dad came over and he, my mom and brothers and the midwife cleaned up the house, did laundry and made me scrambled eggs with cheese. They were the best eggs I ever had (and I ate eggs everyday after that for two weeks). I just laid in bed with my baby and husband. I knew I was an animal and I lived in the world and I had brought another person into the world, little Alice Luna Jeanine LeCroy. I’m so in love.
ALICE LUNA JEANINE LECROY
DAY ONE
DAY TWO
DAY THREE